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Well, it's been a while. But, in my defense, part of that was because I have been working on the sequel to Ignite35 (another part is because I've been undermined by some highly unethical people, but that's a post for another day). Anyway. I need to get my head back in the game and since I have a brief break, now seems like a good time.
So, I need a topic, one I haven't explored before that's not too complicated. After quick and desperate contemplation, I did come up with something, headspace.
For those ignorant of the idea, I'll break it down real quick. When you're in an experience that you are resisting or surrendering to, one that is fun or even unpleasant, one that is not designed to warp your reality, one where you just do what most people refer to as coping, you can enter what is called a headspace. It can come over you unexpectedly, whether it's getting through a work day, dinner with racist relatives or getting lost in the city, any time you…
Recent posts

Going Slow

I occasionally struggle to determine what my next blog post for this site should be. This time around, I asked my sub what she thought I should do a post on. Her suggestion, I found interesting.

"Tell people they should promise themselves not to get involved with anyone or play with anyone for the first six months after joining the community."

Speaking as someone who met my first community lover at the very first munch I ever attended, I was perplexed. "Why, specifically?"

"Well," her argument began, "the overwhelming majority of the people we know who sought out play partners or situations right away upon becoming community members made some sort of poor decision."

Interesting. And true. Whether it was frenzy, falling under the spell of someone with less than altruistic intentions, or in my case, getting physically involved with someone who wasn't careful, many of us who dive in head first find ourselves struggling for air. My mentor always…

Marketing Smut

I was going to post this yesterday, but I felt it might bring everybody down a little and I didn't want to do that on Christmas. So, you get it today. It's a slightly different post, as it has little or nothing to do with kink or BDSM. Today I want to talk about writing. Or more specifically, I want to talk about marketing what you've written.

If the past year as an independent author has taught me anything it's that it is a lot harder to sell books than people think. I figured I'd have it slightly easier due to my subject matter. I mean, the book is called Ignite35: My Life in the Sex Fetish Community, for crying out loud. Getting people curious about it should be a piece of cake, right?

Apparently not. I have solicited reviews for the book that were promised, but never appeared. I have bought ad space on websites devoted to books. I have given away copies, both as prizes and in the hopes that the person receiving it might be interested in helping get it out there…


I have a sub, Mary. Mary is about as moody as they make them. Some days she is on top of the world, singing, dancing, throwing her arms in the air... On those days I can expect breakfast without asking, cute, little gifts, impromptu floor shows and spontaneous blow jobs. Other days she is hard at work, concentrating on finding that new job that pays better and treats her the way she deserves. Other days, she is sad. On those occasions she curls up at the top of the bed, clutching one of the large stuffed animals I bought her and pouting while she watches some afternoon talk show drivel. On rare nights, she's primal and hungry, practically demanding sex and even willing to try to take it before I put a lease on her collar and force her to her knees. She is a dichotomy.

When I met her, she was cold, unfriendly even. Once I got to know her, I discovered that she ran hotter than most. Mary, like many, has many sides to her. It has been up to me to learn these sides and respond to them…


Whew! This new job is helping me get out of debt and back to my old self, but damn, they are working my ass off. I finally had a little time and decided that a posting couldn't be put off any longer. So, I decided to go with one that I have been planning for some time, one as important as negotiations and aftercare, one as mysterious and problematic as abuse, and one as confusing as...well, all the rest of the kink world. That subject is frenzy.
BDSM Wiki defines it as: "Frenzy, sometimes called sub frenzy, top frenzy or dom frenzy, is a condition in which a person that is very new to BDSM becomes very excited after initial experiences with BDSM (sometimes attributed to a feeling of making up for lost time) and proceeds with very little caution, self concern, compromised emotions and impaired judgement due to the excitement that this new lifestyle can provide." It goes on to compare it to drug addiction. The fact is, I've seen it more than once and it seems like…

Why Do You Identify That Way?

Identification is something you'll run into in the BDSM world, pretty much, right off. If you attend a munch or event, even if you just get online, people will constantly be telling you how they identify. That equates to how they see their role in BDSM relasionships. You "identify" as a Dom/Domme, sub, switch, little, etc. But is there a reason some people choose one or the other and what can you tell about a person by how hey do? The answer is, yes, and the reasons are usually surprising and occasionally disturbing.

Let's start with the basics, which would be Doms/Dommes and subs. Well adjusted ones typically come from one world. That is to say, their day to day lives are pretty cut and dry. Well adjusted, healthy Doms/Dommes do not run Christian Grey style companies. They don't own and manage tons of real estate. They rarely even manage a fast food place. More often than not, they spend a lot of time feeling powerless. They answer to lots of people. They may ev…

Neurolinguistic Programing

Greetings, everyone. Been a while. But, after an unfortunate accident followed by some unexpected surgery, I've begun to regain the use of my left hand. I'll spare you all the gory details and just get back to what I'm supposed to be doing here, writing about BDSM and kink.
Neurolinguistic programing, the practice of saying certain things to someone in order to put them in just the right head space for kinky play and elicit the desired responses, is a big part of the lifestyle. I'm sure most of us have experience the thrill that accompanies our partner or partners talking dirty. Well, when you take it a step farther, insisting that certain things be said or done at specific times, it can get even more intense.
Allow me to give you some examples. When my current sub and I first started playing, we negotiated how each of us would be addressed. In most cases, I am, Sir. She begins most sentences and ends many others to me with the title. Unless we are in an extremely van…