When people ask me what they should learn about upon entering the BDSM world, one of the main things that I stress is safety. Ours is a tricky world, with lots of potential hazards. From the moment we begin, we have to be careful. That doesn't just include making sure we can quickly get someone out of an elaborate knot we've tied. It can be a whole host of things, from habitually clearing our search history to understanding negotiations and safe words to exercising caution when communicating with and meeting new people. So let's look at a few tips to keep in mind. 1) Searching the internet - If you're new to the idea of BDSM or not that computer savvy, then you're going to want to be careful what sites you get on and who else has access to your computer. The easiest ways to be careful when it comes to the sites is to keep one thing in mind. That is, there's a difference between networking and dating. When you're operating in the BDSM world you want to n

I entered the BDSM community late. That is to say, I joined up in my mid-thirties, much later than the average kinkster. I was certain that this put me at a disadvantage, that I seemed stupid to my peers and that the amount of “catch-up” that I had to play would take forever. Two things helped though. For one, I learned that I was not the only one who had a sexual awakening and entered the community way past their, so-called, prime. Many people discover what their fetishes truly are and join the world of kink later in life, some even as late as retirement. The second thing was that I had a solid support group who took me under their wings and guided me. As a result, I like to carry that tradition on and help new people when I can and that's why I felt an intro to joining the BDSM community post was in order. I find that the main things new people ― brand new people ― need to know comes down to how, what and why. How do you join the community, what do you do once you're in

Okay, so I have a blog. You already knew that. I mean, you're reading it right now, right? I also did something else that I never dreamed I'd do in order to promote my book and that's open a Twitter account. I poked around, started following some other people that I thought might be interested in my writing and was met with a totally bizarre offer from left field. That is that a BDSM toy company asked me to write for them, once a week, as their exclusive blogger. They appear to be a really good company to. Seems great, right? There's just one thing making me hesitant. That is, of all things, my horoscope. Yeah, you read that right. I got a horoscope that said, basically, that I would receive a business offer that seemed great, but that it would invariably turn out to be a problem. Alright, let me state here that I am not one to normally take astrology terribly seriously. In fact, I tend more to think of it as nonsense peddled by charlatans. But then, I brought

My editors recently mentioned something that they found odd about my book, Ignite35:My Life in the Sex Fetish Community . As I've previously mentioned, it's a narrative nonfiction piece that, among other things, takes a close look at many of the basics of BDSM, from negotiations to safe words to techniques. It also tries very hard to cover many of the gross omissions of things like the dreaded Fifty Shades trilogy. One thing that it only brushed against however was aftercare. My copy editor was curious why I didn't go into more detail. After pondering the question I was forced to admit that I simply overlooked it. I did bring it up and depicted a couple of quick examples, but ultimately...I forgot. Hardly a responsible approach to aftercare ( tragically ironic, some might even say) but...there it is. Of coarse, I do have this blog. Something my other editor said was that I needed to write on this thing, regularly. It seemed appropriate that my first non-announce