My
editors recently mentioned something that they found odd about my
book, Ignite35:My Life in the Sex Fetish Community. As I've previously mentioned, it's
a narrative nonfiction piece that, among other things, takes a close
look at many of the basics of BDSM, from negotiations to safe words
to techniques. It also tries very hard to cover many of the gross
omissions of things like the dreaded Fifty
Shades trilogy.
One thing that it only brushed against however was aftercare. My
copy editor was curious why I didn't go into more detail. After
pondering the question I was forced to admit that I simply overlooked
it. I did bring it up and depicted a couple of quick examples, but
ultimately...I forgot. Hardly a responsible approach to aftercare
(tragically
ironic, some might even say)
but...there it is.
Of coarse, I do have this blog. Something my other editor said was that I needed to write on this thing, regularly. It seemed appropriate that my first non-announcement post should be to correct my over site and talk about aftercare. For those who are experienced, it's something easy, almost obvious. For the beginners, one of the target audiences of my book, maybe not so much. So, let's go over it.
First,
let's define aftercare. It's the actions taken immediately after a scene to calm
and reassure a sub or slave (or someone temporarily taking on that
role). This is done in order to prevent crashes when adrenalin and
endorphins leave the body which may have adverse physical, mental or
emotional effects, known as sub drop. These preventative measures
vary as much as the types of sub drop and depend largely on the needs
of the sub themselves. But there are basics that can be applied.
The
first, and most effective method of delivering after care, is simply
comforting the recipient. Petting them, saying nice things, a sweet
kiss, all can go a long way. You're basically reassuring them that
you don't really think of them as less than or want to actually harm
them. You're also reminding them that they haven't done anything
wrong as well as making them feel safe and loved. That may seem like
the actions of a manipulative serial killer at face value, but
remember, extreme chemical shifts in the body can lead to confusion
in many forms.
Another
method is to keep them warm. Often a sub or slave is undressed when
aftercare is needed. They also tend to experience a decrease in body
temperature as their hormones stop raging. So, a simple blanket
around their shoulders can work wonders. An additional tip: make sure
the blanket or coat or whatever is clean and doesn't smell bad.
That's a lesson I learned after grabbing a quilt out of the closet
that I hadn't used in over a year. Not only was the musty odor
unpleasant for my sub, she turned out to be allergic. So, wash
material first. It also can't hurt to spray it with organic aromas
like lavender which has a calming affect.
Water.
This is simple, yet critical. Someone who has been sweating and
exerting themselves needs hydration. In fact, water can cure or stall
many problems we don't even think about and dehydration is quite
dangerous, even leading to potential health problems down the road.
Sleep.
Sometimes a sub just needs to rest after a scene. Think about it.
Even many “ordinary” people fall asleep after perfectly vanilla
sex.
Nicotine.
Seems like an odd recommendation after so many that are meant to
insure good health, I know. But if you're sub or slave is a smoker,
avoiding withdraw with a cigarette or vape pen can help.
If
a scene doesn't lead to one, an orgasm is usually a great move. They
can certainly elevate one's mood.
Something
that may be needed after especially intense scenes is first aid.
Tending to open wounds or bruises is often a requirement if the
Dominant or scene is very sadistic. Always have ointment for a
battered ass, disinfectant for cut or broken skin and bandages handy.
Ice packs are also a good choice.
Protein
is another good thing to have around. Snack bars work well and are
easy to carry. Fruits and smoothies are also helpful to combat
low blood sugar.
Bathing
or any other relaxing activities help. Even something as simple as
watching TV can prevent a sub's mood from crashing.
Most
importantly, talk. Discuss with each other how you feel and express
yourselves. If there are problems, this is the fastest way to find
and address them.
There
are many other methods of aftercare, but these are the basics.
Without adding a "bonus chapter" here, I hope this explains
the concept well enough. But then, I have already begun kicking
around a sequel to Ignite35, so who knows what may be depicted
and how thoroughly in the future.
If
you enjoyed this post or are curious, be sure to pick up, Ignite35:My Life in the Sex Fetish Community.
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