Skip to main content

Aftercare


My editors recently mentioned something that they found odd about my book, Ignite35:My Life in the Sex Fetish Community. As I've previously mentioned, it's a narrative nonfiction piece that, among other things, takes a close look at many of the basics of BDSM, from negotiations to safe words to techniques. It also tries very hard to cover many of the gross omissions of things like the dreaded Fifty Shades trilogy. One thing that it only brushed against however was aftercare. My copy editor was curious why I didn't go into more detail. After pondering the question I was forced to admit that I simply overlooked it. I did bring it up and depicted a couple of quick examples, but ultimately...I forgot. Hardly a responsible approach to aftercare (tragically ironic, some might even say) but...there it is.

Of coarse, I do have this blog. Something my other editor said was that I needed to write on this thing, regularly. It seemed appropriate that my first non-announcement post should be to correct my over site and talk about aftercare. For those who are experienced, it's something easy, almost obvious. For the beginners, one of the target audiences of my book, maybe not so much. So, let's go over it.

First, let's define aftercare. It's the actions taken immediately after a scene to calm and reassure a sub or slave (or someone temporarily taking on that role). This is done in order to prevent crashes when adrenalin and endorphins leave the body which may have adverse physical, mental or emotional effects, known as sub drop. These preventative measures vary as much as the types of sub drop and depend largely on the needs of the sub themselves. But there are basics that can be applied.

The first, and most effective method of delivering after care, is simply comforting the recipient. Petting them, saying nice things, a sweet kiss, all can go a long way. You're basically reassuring them that you don't really think of them as less than or want to actually harm them. You're also reminding them that they haven't done anything wrong as well as making them feel safe and loved. That may seem like the actions of a manipulative serial killer at face value, but remember, extreme chemical shifts in the body can lead to confusion in many forms.

Another method is to keep them warm. Often a sub or slave is undressed when aftercare is needed. They also tend to experience a decrease in body temperature as their hormones stop raging. So, a simple blanket around their shoulders can work wonders. An additional tip: make sure the blanket or coat or whatever is clean and doesn't smell bad. That's a lesson I learned after grabbing a quilt out of the closet that I hadn't used in over a year. Not only was the musty odor unpleasant for my sub, she turned out to be allergic. So, wash material first. It also can't hurt to spray it with organic aromas like lavender which has a calming affect.

Water. This is simple, yet critical. Someone who has been sweating and exerting themselves needs hydration. In fact, water can cure or stall many problems we don't even think about and dehydration is quite dangerous, even leading to potential health problems down the road.

Sleep. Sometimes a sub just needs to rest after a scene. Think about it. Even many “ordinary” people fall asleep after perfectly vanilla sex.

Nicotine. Seems like an odd recommendation after so many that are meant to insure good health, I know. But if you're sub or slave is a smoker, avoiding withdraw with a cigarette or vape pen can help.

If a scene doesn't lead to one, an orgasm is usually a great move. They can certainly elevate one's mood.

Something that may be needed after especially intense scenes is first aid. Tending to open wounds or bruises is often a requirement if the Dominant or scene is very sadistic. Always have ointment for a battered ass, disinfectant for cut or broken skin and bandages handy. Ice packs are also a good choice.

Protein is another good thing to have around. Snack bars work well and are easy to carry. Fruits and smoothies are also helpful to combat low blood sugar.

Bathing or any other relaxing activities help. Even something as simple as watching TV can prevent a sub's mood from crashing.

Most importantly, talk. Discuss with each other how you feel and express yourselves. If there are problems, this is the fastest way to find and address them.

There are many other methods of aftercare, but these are the basics. Without adding a "bonus chapter" here, I hope this explains the concept well enough. But then, I have already begun kicking around a sequel to Ignite35, so who knows what may be depicted and how thoroughly in the future.

If you enjoyed this post or are curious, be sure to pick up, Ignite35:My Life in the Sex Fetish Community.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Break a Brat

The definition of a brat, as well as their behavior, vary. Typically they're subs with a rebellious streak. They actively try to frustrate their Doms/Dommes by being uncooperative or defiant, hiding toys, giggling when threatened with punishment or even acting like a bitch. These things naturally still result in punishment., but the pitiful, vulnerable behavior often exhibited by more traditional submissives is absent.

So it should come as no surprise that many Dominants desire to break brats. This can be fun, but it can also be risky. Trying to force someone to bend to your will when they're more determined to resist and test boundaries obviously has the potential to go too far. Its for this reason that any attempts to break a brat be handled extra carefully.

It goes without saying that strict and thorough negotiations beforehand are a must. And both parties should resist the urge to take things too far.

So what are some methods the Dominant can employ in the process of makin…

Personas

I have a sub, Mary. Mary is about as moody as they make them. Some days she is on top of the world, singing, dancing, throwing her arms in the air... On those days I can expect breakfast without asking, cute, little gifts, impromptu floor shows and spontaneous blow jobs. Other days she is hard at work, concentrating on finding that new job that pays better and treats her the way she deserves. Other days, she is sad. On those occasions she curls up at the top of the bed, clutching one of the large stuffed animals I bought her and pouting while she watches some afternoon talk show drivel. On rare nights, she's primal and hungry, practically demanding sex and even willing to try to take it before I put a lease on her collar and force her to her knees. She is a dichotomy.

When I met her, she was cold, unfriendly even. Once I got to know her, I discovered that she ran hotter than most. Mary, like many, has many sides to her. It has been up to me to learn these sides and respond to them…

Marketing Smut

I was going to post this yesterday, but I felt it might bring everybody down a little and I didn't want to do that on Christmas. So, you get it today. It's a slightly different post, as it has little or nothing to do with kink or BDSM. Today I want to talk about writing. Or more specifically, I want to talk about marketing what you've written.

If the past year as an independent author has taught me anything it's that it is a lot harder to sell books than people think. I figured I'd have it slightly easier due to my subject matter. I mean, the book is called Ignite35: My Life in the Sex Fetish Community, for crying out loud. Getting people curious about it should be a piece of cake, right?

Apparently not. I have solicited reviews for the book that were promised, but never appeared. I have bought ad space on websites devoted to books. I have given away copies, both as prizes and in the hopes that the person receiving it might be interested in helping get it out there…