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How to Find a Sex Feind

I got asked an interesting question recently. How do you spot someone who is kinky? That's a tricky one. But, believe it or not, there is an answer. I noticed it the other day. There was a cute, yet awkward girl that came into work. Someone said, “She's almost cute,” and then smirked. I found myself staring at this girl with the nice smile as she walked away, her amazing butt moving back and forth in a certain, familiar way.

“She's a freak,” I mumbled.

“Huh?” came the reply.

“Oh, uh...” I fumbled for words. “Nothing.”

If there's one thing I've learned in this lifestyle, it's the nerds that are the sexual Olympians. Sure, the frat boys, sorority girls, gangstas and bar tramps may take tons of people home. But it's the awkward sect that have the real stories.

Look for that girl in the unflattering twill skirt, who voted for Bernie. Look for that dude who looks like a cast member of the Big Bang Theory who lingers a little too long on that box set of Smallville at the book store. THOSE people are the ones who do some seriously crazy stuff. Yeah, about fifteen percent of the girls with the chest tattoos and about ten percent of the ultra professional guys are super weird, but if you want to find the really sick folks, look for the nerds with the great butts. I'm not kidding. That librarian who moves those cheeks back and forth, between those wide hips and underneath that unappealing skirt, she will do some insane stuff. That geeky dude in the cheap glasses and horrible Office Max uniform who makes steady and polite eye contact, he's got hand cuffs at home and knows how to talk you into being excited about using them.

That supermodel type at the make up counter...that buff dude who runs your spin class...they'll be lucky to find your gentiles, much less your erogenous zones.

Sorry. True.

I have learned that women with a firm butt and a confident swish to it when they walk, especially if their haircut is dopey and they proudly wear comfortable shoes, are awesome in bed. Guys who smile confidently and seem friendly, but don't flirt are better than most. Point being, look for human beings. Find those who aren't worried that Jesus is going to strike down the gays, but are also about as average as you can get in their appearance. If the inside is way more advanced than the outside, you stand a good chance of getting, forgive me for saying, a great fuck.

And guys...fat girls. If she's big AND confident, if she is a large girl who still acts like you should be happy to know her...she's probably dynamite. In fact, anyone who seems less than ideal physically who is also confident, it's a good bet, they have a great sex life. They know something everyone else doesn't. Jump in and take that chance. THOSE are the ones that, if you go, “Hey, um...I have this fantasy...” will respond with, “Well...fuck, yeah! Let's try it.”

So, there. Now you know how to find the sex freaks. Feel better?

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