Skip to main content

Financial Domination

A series of messages and announcements online led me to investigate something that I'm not terribly familiar with. It's a subject that I immediately felt I needed to become more educated about for the same reasons that I first learned safety and boundaries. That is, to prevent something that should be a positive experience from becoming a bad one. The subject tonight is financial domination.

For those ignorant of such a term, financial domination is, almost literally, what it sounds like. Dominants (usually Dommes, though some Doms participate) insist on tributes or hush money from willing submissives (almost always male) in exchange for various forms of play. The play is usually psychosexual, degrading talk, humiliation of the sub, or "money slaves" (often called "pay pigs"). Occasionally, the power exchange can become so total, that the sub hands over complete control of their finances, with only a small allowance available to them.

On the surface, it seems like a lot of nonsense, a scam, or at best, a heavy fetish form of prostitution.  And, sometimes, it is. But, before we condemn someone else's kink, let's look at some facts.

1) While not all finDommes/Doms are on the up and up, the money subs are, without question, almost always sincere. A big part of submitting is giving up power. So, it's no surprise that, in a culture that sees money and power as being synonymous, financial domination would develop as a kink. The overwhelming majority of committed money subs are successful business men, who's self-esteem is irreversibly linked to their bank accounts. Poke a hole in it and the sub achieves a rush of humiliation and loss that gets them off because they are looking to relinquish power in the most effective way. It is true that there are some money subs who just see it as a way of getting attention from a pretty woman, but they rarely hang with it as they often solicit the wrong ones and have little pay off. ...No pun intended.

2) Some financial Dommes/Doms are genuine. Most of them have been doing it for years, decades even, and do not advertise or coerce their subs without invitation. Their actions are usually subtle and quiet and known only to those they dominate. They are also more likely to have more complete control over a sub's finances and even tell them how to spend money that isn't going to them. They are more likely to interact with their subs face-to-face, as well as to involve other types of domination.

Sharyn Ferns, author of the blog Domme Chronicals, told me, "Ethical findoms don’t shout the loudest or harass random malesubs for money by the dozens.  The signal to noise ratio in the findom domain is completely out of whack: There are a ton of scammers, bots, and cute young things (or those who pretend to be) clamouring loudly about pay pigs and losers because they see it as easy money. Ethical findoms and their submissives generally run around doing their thing without shouting about it."

3) The majority of financial Dommes/Doms are scam artists and bullies. That's not to say that they can't provide a sub with the thrills that they are seeking. It simply means that they didn't come by their trade out of a natural desire to sexually dominate someone. They merely heard that there was money to be made, assumed that they had little work to put in for it, and started advertising. When a sub is reluctant to pay (for example, if a sub is seeking a different type of domination and ignorantly reaches out to the wrong kind of Domme/Dom), the scammer Dommes/Doms often pressure the sub, calling them insincere or not committed enough. They're usually young and less experienced in BDSM  than someone you would expect to be called Mistress or Master. They also--surprise, surprise--don't make as much money because they aren't careful choosing their subs, choosing quantity over quality (or wealth, for that matter) and due to a huge amount of competition from others just like them. They are all over Twitter and aren't afraid to solicit for more business.

4) Aftercare is a critical factor. Of course, it is in any BDSM experience, but since most findom takes place over the Internet, the potential for a Domme to simply take a subs money, say a few harsh things and then leave them sitting alone at their computers feeling ashamed and sorry for themselves is high. I would suggest to any sub who might go actively looking for a finDomme/Dom that they ask, right out of the gate, about aftercare. If the Domme/Dom in question doesn't have a good answer, or worse yet, has a negative one, that they should be avoided. The last thing a sub needs is to feel like a habitual gambler after a bad night in Vegas with no one to talk them off the ledge.

In short, yes, financial domination is very real. Not only are there plenty of subs who want to feel used for their cash, but there are Dommes/Doms out there that specialize in financial domination and are genuinely good at it. The number of the later could probably be gathered into one convention room and still have plenty of space to comfortably mingle. They're never at a loss for clients and they take care of them in more ways than one. They're usually older than thirty and have tons of experience, often including time spent as a sub or slave themselves. They're basically sex workers and they are harder to find than the Twitter scams. They're also safer.

There are also shit tons of selfish, manipulative posers out there that only want money and, even if they know a little about BDSM, aren't likely to do it safely, only in a way that pads their pockets.

Hope that helps.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Break a Brat

The definition of a brat, as well as their behavior, vary. Typically they're subs with a rebellious streak. They actively try to frustrate their Doms/Dommes by being uncooperative or defiant, hiding toys, giggling when threatened with punishment or even acting like a bitch. These things naturally still result in punishment., but the pitiful, vulnerable behavior often exhibited by more traditional submissives is absent.

So it should come as no surprise that many Dominants desire to break brats. This can be fun, but it can also be risky. Trying to force someone to bend to your will when they're more determined to resist and test boundaries obviously has the potential to go too far. Its for this reason that any attempts to break a brat be handled extra carefully.

It goes without saying that strict and thorough negotiations beforehand are a must. And both parties should resist the urge to take things too far.

So what are some methods the Dominant can employ in the process of makin…

The "Lifestyle" vs. Trump

A friend recently came to me with a burning concern. Apparently two of the last women he'd chatted up as potential subs--intelligent, articulate women--had confessed to being Trump supporters. This mystified him.
"Why would anyone in their right mind--women, no less--especially ones who lead an alternative lifestyle--vote for that walking personification of civil rights violating, white male privilege?"
I didn't know what to tell him, exactly. But skipping over the, "in their right mind," factor, I decided to ask around and research the situation and look for answers. A few details did come up.
What could possess someone to support an administration that has criticized alternative lifestyles (Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions), exhibited racism, mocked the special needs group, and tons of other things outside of the norm?
1) Heritage-It's how they where raised. Some times your parents saying the same thing over and over, no matter how much you want to rebel ag…

Intro to BDSM Safety

When people ask me what they should learn about upon entering the BDSM world, one of the main things that I stress is safety. Ours is a tricky world, with lots of potential hazards. From the moment we begin, we have to be careful. That doesn't just include making sure we can quickly get someone out of an elaborate knot we've tied. It can be a whole host of things, from habitually clearing our search history to understanding negotiations and safe words to exercising caution when communicating with and meeting new people. So let's look at a few tips to keep in mind.
1) Searching the internet- If you're new to the idea of BDSM or not that computer savvy, then you're going to want to be careful what sites you get on and who else has access to your computer. The easiest ways to be careful when it comes to the sites is to keep one thing in mind. That is, there's a difference between networking and dating. When you're operating in the BDSM world you want to netwo…