First, if you want an idea of how us real kinksters do it, how we meet, how we bond, how we function as a group and how you might use that to find what you're really looking for...well, that would be my book, Ignite35: My Life in the Sex Fetish Community. It pretty much spells it out, especially for the beginner. If you just want sexy stories and fresh ideas...forget 50 Shades. That's an ignorant psychodrama written by someone without the first clue. Get and read, what I have repeatedly cited as my favorite, Diary of a Submissive by Sophie Morgan.
Sophie doesn't have, and will say as much, the highest respect for organizational people like me. But it's usually in some aside. She's not interested in discussing community politics or even worried about protocol in her own interpersonal relationships. She simply wants her desires noticed and addressed and goes into great and immaculate detail describing them to you. Trust me. If you're just some frustrated house wife who isn't looking to leave the confines of her own sanctuary to find what she wants, if the jaded romance novels of your mother's collections seem dim, if you are even tempted to think that 50 Shades is where you need to look...forget it. Just get Sophie Morgan's Diary of a Submissive.
I can only assume that her name is a protective psuedonym, but I believe her when she says that she is a journalist because her command of the English language is superb. She, not only writes well, she writes sex well--something that is not easy to do, believe me. She's introspective, sexy, thoughtful, even funny, and makes her whole tale one you simply can't put down.
And ideas...if you don't have any...she'll give you some. I actually knew everything she brought up, had even tried them, but she did so so eloquently that I wanted to give her an award for running the BDSM triathlon. Even if you have a vanilla relationship that you simply want to spice up, there is something in that book that you'll want to explore. Even the mildly extreme stuff...she makes them seem reasonable, even when she's describing how furious they made her. I swear, her discription of her Dom screwing another woman right next to her while she lay bound, covered in nasty words in lipstick, stinging from pain and with cum in her hair...damn, only she could make that seem appealing from a woman's perspective.
Sophie Morgan, it bares mentioning, is not some pathetic whore who just needs to be used and felt the need to share it. She's a strong woman and strong wordsmith who found the perfect way to, not only make a subs brain understandable, not only make BDSM understandable, but to make alternative sexuality understandable. She is a force to be reconned with, an Anastasia Steele that isn't a pathetic piece of crap and a strong writer who--setting the subject matter aside--wrote a damn good book. If you are interested BDSM, you owe it to yourself to have it on your bookshelf. If you read romance, you owe it to yourself to upgrade.
One thing slightly negative I will say is about the audio book. See my purchase came with a .99 cent copy of the audio. I like audio books because I can listen to them at work or the gym. However, Tatiana Sokolav's (if that is indeed her real name) audio rendetion of the book sounds like Siri, so much, in fact, that it makes Alexa's constant, "I'm not sure," actually seem human. It's about as sexy as a blowjob from a vacuum. So...just read it.
If you are interested in this type of material, absolutely, definitely, get Diary of a Submissive by Sophie Morgan, and get a hardcopy. This is the shit. It may not go as deep as Ignite36: My Life in the Sex Fetish Community, but it gets right to the point, and frankly, it's better written. I set out to replace 50 Shades by being more real. Spohie Morgan accomplished it by simply being sexier, better and much more personal.
Movies are a different...uh...story. 50 Shades the movies are better than the books. A rare comment, but true. At the very least, you get the story, Dakota Johnsan's generous acting and Sam Taylor-Johnson's amazing directing. Still. if you are looking for the 50 Shade content, but with more reality, in my opinion, one movie stands above all others and that's Secretary.
A lot of people love the movie and lot of people are confussed by it. The later is understandable because it's actually about a novice sub and a novice Dom who--neither of which--fully understand themselves. She figures it out quicker, despite the fact that he teaches her. And there are a ton of in-jokes. One of my favorites is James Spader saying, "We can't do this 24/7!" and Maggie Gyllenhaal replying, "Why not?" It's a fabulous movie that subtly explores the psychology of the Dom/sub relationship in one of the most magnificant ways I've ever seen. It's all about their inner desires with no one teaching them how to be, but them still learning to master (no pun intended) it perfectly. And with Gyllenhaal's character figuring it out faster--while Spaders punishes his own self--it is an epic psychological expoloration, and even expose', into how it often works. Add to that, it's sexy as hell. Even Gyllenhaal's horrible fashion sense and granny panties are somehome made sexy.
Admittedly, it's hard to get into because Gyllenhaal's character talks so slow, especially in the beginning of the film. But it's worth it to stick with it. And the more you learn about BDSM, the more you'll find tons of Easter eggs. Hell, I still do. Like I said, lots of in jokes, in-psychology, pats-on-the-back, you-name-it. Obviously, director Steven Shainberg either did his homework hard, or he knows something that...heh heh...only some of us do. Especially since the whole thing came from a short story that wasn't nearly as sexy, detailed or interesting. ...Or maybe it was his screenwriting partner Erin Cressida Wilson. ...Hmm...
I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say, once again, is, put down E.L. James' garbage. You don't care to read Ignite35? Fine. Read Sophie Morgan's Diary of a Submissive instead. Don't watch 50 Shades, watch Secretary instead.
You'll be glad you did. After each...then you'll feel sexy...real sexy.