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Why Do You Identify That Way?

Identification is something you'll run into in the BDSM world, pretty much, right off. If you attend a munch or event, even if you just get online, people will constantly be telling you how they identify. That equates to how they see their role in BDSM relasionships. You "identify" as a Dom/Domme, sub, switch, little, etc. But is there a reason some people choose one or the other and what can you tell about a person by how hey do? The answer is, yes, and the reasons are usually surprising and occasionally disturbing.

Let's start with the basics, which would be Doms/Dommes and subs. Well adjusted ones typically come from one world. That is to say, their day to day lives are pretty cut and dry. Well adjusted, healthy Doms/Dommes do not run Christian Grey style companies. They don't own and manage tons of real estate. They rarely even manage a fast food place. More often than not, they spend a lot of time feeling powerless. They answer to lots of people. They may even spend a lot of time behind a counter or on the phone saying, "Yes, Sir," or "Yes, Ma'am," themselves. They are, in some way, slaves in their day jobs. That's mainly why they crave it. They feel powerless daily and want to come home to someone who will bow to their needs and treat them special. Especially the male ones.

Subs are usually the opposite. They have way too much responsibility in their day to day. Guys like Christian Grey don't spank women. They go to expensive dungeons to have women spank them. Everyone has heard the story of Stormy Danials spanking Embarassment Trunp with a magazine. That's belivable because guys like that want to let go and let someone else take charge when they drop their pants. The majority of women I know who are devoted subs and slaves make tons of decisions all day long and manage other people. Long story short, when you have to be the big boss all day, you tend to want someone else to take over when you get home.

We want in our fantasy life what we don't have in our day to day...especially our jobs.

Switches are different. Show me a switch and I'll show you someone with a lot of responsibilities and people who answer to them as well having to answer to others. They're middle management. They're people someone else has put in charge. They spend a lot of time telling others what to do, while someone else pulls theirs strings or gives them restrictions. They need control over when and how that happens.

Littles--healthy littles-- typically take care of others. They work in nursing homes or daycare centers.

Conversly, if you meet someone who is rich and in charge but is a Dom/Domme--not exclusively! But most likely--they are damaged. If they manage a company, beware. If they own it, avoid. Subs who have jobs that treat them like a piece of crap all day...they might have some issues. I'e run into a few who need to be treated like dirt because that's how they treat themselves. 100% is not the answer. You must have some self respect.

Long story short, you subs out there aren't going to get a new car from your Dom unless he's also stalking you...most likely. You Doms aren't going to find a great situation with a "sub" who works as a maid. There are exceptions...but they are far less than you think.

Subs, you're best Dom/Domme works at a fast food place and is a bit too old to be there. Or they work a help line getting cussed out all day. Doms and Dommes, your best sub is a bank manager or an event organizer. They spend lots of time pushing people around and don't want to do it at home. Daddy's and Mommies...look for the kindergarden teachers.


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