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Whew! This new job is helping me get out of debt and back to my old self, but damn, they are working my ass off. I finally had a little time and decided that a posting couldn't be put off any longer. So, I decided to go with one that I have been planning for some time, one as important as negotiations and aftercare, one as mysterious and problematic as abuse, and one as confusing as...well, all the rest of the kink world. That subject is frenzy.

BDSM Wiki defines it as: "Frenzy, sometimes called sub frenzy, top frenzy or dom frenzy, is a condition in which a person that is very new to BDSM becomes very excited after initial experiences with BDSM (sometimes attributed to a feeling of making up for lost time) and proceeds with very little caution, self concern, compromised emotions and impaired judgement due to the excitement that this new lifestyle can provide."
It goes on to compare it to drug addiction. The fact is, I've seen it more than once and it seems like the kind of thrill someone gets from a roller coaster ride, at first. They're all up in the air and having a good time, only once they roll to a stop they want to go again, or find the next thrill ride. It's also similar to that feeling you had as a teenager and you found your first "identity" and friends that really got you, that resulted in you sneaking out of the house to go run wild with people who encouraged you to be yourself. It's finding this amazing new freedom and wanting all now, faster, bigger, more. The only problem is, you're actually the bad kid, starting first with streaking...then vandalism...then drugs and alcohol...then arson.

It typically lasts less than a year. Sometimes as little as two or three months. But it is intense. And a large portion of bad decision I have seen made can be attributed to it. "That was awesome! I want more. Give me more!"

Oddly, this doesn't just happen to new people. Even seasoned pros can fall victim in the wake of a break up. Remember the comparison to drug addiction? Who among us haven't spent several too many nights at the bar or getting stoned after a bad break up? Even those of us who've experienced heartbreak? Part of us wants to prove to ourselves that we are still attractive, desirable and have options. Also, as adrenaline is involved, it's not unlike a runner's high. So, if we can reassure ourselves, gain that natural rush and have the possibility of a non-self-induced orgasm, the temptation to abuse it becomes obvious.

Then there's the other, more insidious factor. You may find that established, solid figures in your own community might endorse it and encourage it. After all, they have something to gain. Maybe they can get a piece of the new sub or recently-single one they've always wanted to try. That's the really sick shit I can't abide.'s a thing and it's a problem. And if you are a figurehead in your local scene and you don't take the crazy new kids aside and let them know what's happening in their hormones and brains and egos...shame on you.

So, how do you avoid frenzy and what do you do if you have it?

One community leader in one of my last hometowns I know, is indelicately refereed to as, "Mr. Go-Slow." He stresses to new people constantly, "Go slow. You have all the time you need to do this. Don't jump in the deep end and drowned when it's perfectly acceptable to wade in and only on the weekends." Counseling is another method that many responsible community leaders are fond of. "Want to get involved? Great! Nothing wrong with that. Now go talk to a professional, so you can discuss all your new feelings." Yet the easiest way within the community is to find a protector. These are people with established and vetted reputations who will, not only stand as a stop-gap between new (or for that matter experienced) members of the community, set limits on how often they can play and what they can do, vet people for them and even confront people who might hurt them if need be. If you go this route, the best advice is to remain mostly chaste until you learn your community enough to know who to trust. Select one of them who you respect and who seems to genuinely care for your well being and just ask if they'll protect you. Most often, they''l agree.

Regardless, this is a real thing and it can be very dangerous. It's not that people just go so fuck wild that they screw everybody in town. They contract stds. They alienate their family and vanilla friends. They loose themselves. In rare cases, they even get injured or die.

So, treat BDSM the way you would any pleasure, with moderation. Otherwise, the next thing you know, you could be in an alley somewhere, offering to suck a stranger's...

Okay, bad example. But you get my point. This should be a relaxing and exciting reward. Not... addiction.

Play safe, my friends.


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